Every married woman will relate to, and benefit from, this chapter.
This chapter is dedicated to the financial wellbeing of every married woman.
Despite emancipation, and all the advances made by women regarding their role in society, there is a canyon that still has to be bridged when it comes to money.
To illustrate the problem that I am going to deal with, I will use this word picture: Imagine yourself standing in the middle of the most inhospitable desert in the world. It is midday and for hundreds of miles in every direction there is nothing but sand. You are, however, standing next to a huge metal container in which everything you need to get out of the desert is locked, with huge stainless-steel padlocks, and you do not have the keys.
If you found yourself in this situation by accident it would be a tragedy. But if you found yourself in this situation because your deceased husband failed to give you the keys, fear and frustration would soon be overtaken by overwhelming anger. How could the person with whom you shared so much, for whom you did so much, the person you loved and married, possibly leave you in such a desperate situation?
The answer to that question is extremely simple. It was never his intention, but death and estates and all the matters surrounding your own death, or the death of the person you love, do not make for comfortable dinner conversation. So, the contents of the container and the whereabouts of the keys were never discussed. It is also more than likely that he was a good, kind, loving, provider when he was alive. He, like most of us, simply never considered death or dying and the consequences.
In 27 years of counselling divorced and widowed women, I discovered that husbands seldom, if ever, discuss the MONEY issues with their wives. The husbands earn the income, pay the bills, take the assurance, buy property and assets, but never tell their wives where all the documents are that prove ownership. They even leave all the assets (the contents of the container), to their wives, but do not tell their wives where the Will is. In many cases they do not even have a will. They simply do not give her the keys to the container.
So here is the solution. Do not confront your husband with a request for all the documents or the information relating to your combined financial status, and a copy of his Will. Use this solution.
Purchase a file in which you will collect and file EVERY DOCUMENT, or a certified copy, which relates to yourself, your husband, and your children. The premise being that you are tired of constantly having to go on a protracted search for documents whenever they are required.
File title: “THE KEYS TO THE CONTAINER.”
This exercise is essential, particularly if you have children. In the event of both parents dying in an accident or some other event, the children need to know where they can access information that will enable and expedite their financial survival. They need to know where this file is kept, how they gain access to it, and you need to ensure that they have this information, and the details of the person to whom they should take the file. That person also needs to be advised of his or her role should the need arise. Do you have the written consent of family members or friends to function as guardians for your minor children? If you do not, they will suffer even bigger losses than the loss of their parents should the situation arise where they are orphaned.
Prepare the following divisions and file:
- Personal:
- Birth certificates
- ID Documents
- Marriage Certificates
- Anti Nuptial Agreements
- Divorce documents
- Passports
- All license papers for cars, boats, firearms etc. etc
- Medical reports
- Degrees, diplomas, qualifications
- Partnership agreements if applicable
- Any other important documents of a personal nature
- Assets:
- Ante Nuptial and In Community marriages have different implications when it comes to assets, but it is vitally important to know who owns what, and you need documentation to prove the ownership of assets.
- Wills: A recent, up to date copy, of your own and your husband’s Will. A wife must have a Will. I can furnish reasons on request if required. This will ensure that any matters referred to in the Wills are known and discussed by the relevant parties before the Wills are ever presented to lawyers or the executors for execution.
- Life assurance and Medical Aid: This should include any assurance held by Banks or other institutions on the life of either party. Bond cover being a classic example. Wives and husbands should be the beneficiaries stated on the policies. This will ensure that the claim values are paid directly to the beneficiaries on the death of the lives assured. If beneficiaries are not nominated the claims are paid into the estate (the locked container) and remain there until the estate is finalized and the proceeds are paid to the beneficiaries in terms of the will. This could take years WHILE YOU STAND IN FRONT OF THE LOCKED CONTAINER. Do not forget the importance of disability assurance. Get advice from a licensed, qualified, financial consultant. Ensure that the documents are valid, up to date, and that the premiums are paid. Funeral policies if necessary or applicable.
- If either party is a partner in a business, there should be partnership assurance to pay for a deceased partner’s share. Being a partner in a business that you know nothing about, because of a share you inherited, is a very, very, very, bad idea.
- Insurance. For the property or the properties owned by the husband / wife. Vehicles, contents of the home etc. etc. Ensure that the documents are valid, up to date, and that the premiums are paid.
- Real Estate. Either the Title Deeds or copies, or the bond document/s, or copies, relating to Real Estate.
- Banking Details: Current accounts, loans, overdrafts, credit cards, or any other accounts held by the two parties at any financial institution. If there is no life assurance with nominated beneficiaries, there should be deposit accounts which either party can use in the event of the death of the other. In community marriages present a real problem in this regard, and sound financial planning needs to be implemented to address this specific requirement.
- Investments:
- Real Estate
- Shares
- Loans to other people. These loans often happen on a handshake and the borrower can easily have a lapse of memory if the person from whom the money was borrowed dies. Men do this “help a buddy” stuff, without informing their wives or getting an agreement drafted and signed.
- Unit trusts
- Businesses or shares in businesses
- Loan Accounts in businesses
- Safe Deposit Boxes with banks or other institutions
- Keys and letters of authorization for beneficiaries, children
- Cash for use by beneficiaries for funeral and other expenses
- Employment benefits:
- If the partners are employees, they need to check with their respective employers for these benefits.
- Group life assurance. Many companies have Life and Disability Assurance cover on their employees for 5 to 10 times the annual salary of the employee.
- Pension Fund Benefits. What are the benefits for the surviving spouse or the children? In the event of there not being a surviving spouse, all the contributions to the pension fund should be paid to the estate of the deceased employee.
- List of Creditors:
- Documentation proving liability, terms, and balances. (note Insurance available for these liabilities, as in the case of a bond or vehicle finance)
- Names and contact details: Physical Addresses, e-mail addresses, telephone, or Cell numbers.
- Family Doctor
- Undertaker. The children or other family members must have written instructions regarding your wishes for burial including the amount to be spent, or cremation, tomb stones etc. People in an emotional state get exploited by Undertakers.
- Executor of the estate
- Lawyer
- What your wishes are regarding the memorial or funeral service? Church or other religious institution and the names and contact details of the relevant people.
- Where you wish to be buried or what you wish to happen to your ashes.
- Family and friends. The children may not know who to contact, so compile a list for them. They may not know who all your friends are.
- Preventing the fights and any resultant animosity:
- If you own specific assets that you want to leave to specific people, please list these assets on a separate document and have your signature to the document witnessed. This is particularly relevant in the case of jewellery and personal items. This document should be placed in the file and should be accessed by the spouse, the eldest, or the nominated child after your death. The assets on the list are then claimed by the nominated individuals. Ownership is by your instruction and not the decision of one of the beneficiaries. Make allowance for usufruct of the asset by the remaining spouse, if applicable, or desired. This will ensure that the assets become the property of the nominated people, even if a subsequent marriage takes place. It also prevents the disagreements and heartache that happens when siblings do not inherit what they believe to be theirs. Insignificant personal items often cause huge family fights.
NB This preparation is particular significant in the light of estate duty or death tax.
Do not leave the people you love stranded. Start building or fixing the bridges today.
IMPORTANT NOTES AND REQUEST
If you have not done this preparation, you now have access to all the information you need, to identify all the financial and other information that is relevant to your future safety and financial wellbeing. To find all the essential documents, and to compile your personal Estate File. Should you want, or need, assistance, please use the contact form on this website to request whatever you need.
To ensure that as many married women as possible gain access to this information I have deliberately not asked for any personal information, nor have I requested any payment or compensation for the information I have provided.
If your reading of Chapter Eight enables you to avoid the catastrophe that billions of married women will experience, you may want to show your gratitude for being informed, by sharing this link with your friends, and helping me to spread the message.
A gift or donation to Best-Life, Sort code 040003 account number 23647409 would be appreciated. If you reside outside the United Kingdom, the details below would apply.
P. Dijkstra. 10D Royal Victoria Park Bristol. BS10 6TD. Monzo Bank. Sort code 040003 account number 23647409, IBAN NUMBER GB76MONZ04, SWIFT CODE MONZGB2LXXX